Many of us live broken lives. He get up, we eat, we go to work, we interact with people around us, we go home. And yet many of us live very intense internal lives, in part because we are bleeding emotion. We live lives of broken dreams, broken promises, and while some blame themselves, others blame God, and others blame other people. I believe that I am still recovering from a broken life and at times my blame has shifted from God, to myself, back to God, and so on.
But how do we come back from this brokenness? How do we fix ourselves? This brokenness eventually, always, leads to numbness. We end up accepting our current state because what we thought was our ideal self is gone–taken away by life–so we accept this brokenness. However, brokenness ends up being to much to bear, too much to suffer. So we go numb. We allow the numbness to enter us like a sickness; like a disease it consumes us and eats us up.
Like I stated above, I am still recovering from the numbness and the brokenness I feel. I wake up in the morning, look at myself in the bathroom mirror, and can’t help but feel incomplete–there is something missing.
I would be lying if I told I have found and applied the answer, the solution to the numbness. I haven’t applied it, but I believe that it is found somewhere in the heart of God. I am not writing from the perspective of a prayer or Scripture warrior–I’m not. But I do believe God uses the numbness. God takes us to a place where no answer, no other solution will work except for His grace, redemption, and heart. If you are feeling the numbness, then I grieve with you. However, then ever stop looking for the passion of God that breaks the numbness.