[The beginning to this post may lose you for a second, but hang in there–it should all clear up along the way]
PROLOGUE to POST
Starkiller stands in front of the infamous cave at Dagobah, the very same cave that Luke Skywalker will walk into in years to come. At the entrance stands a small but ancient creature, Yoda, once Grand Master of the Jedi Order, now reduced to a dweller of this swamp planet. Starkiller notices the green alien and asks:
“You guard this place?”
Yoda: “Oh ho. No, only a watcher am I now. ”
Starkiller: “Then you’ll let me pass?”
Yoda: “Brought you here, the galaxy has. Your path clearly this is.”
WHAT YOU DO WITH WHERE YOU ARE.
It has become routine, in the last year or so, for me to fall into a cyclical state of chronic depression. Maybe depression is too hard of a word–maybe I am giving myself either too much or not enough credit. I can safely state, however, that the last year has been full of emotional and spiritual trials. I have dealt, and continue to fight, with feelings of forsakenness, loss, desperation, misguidance, fear, and anxiety. I wish I could say today that I have conquered all my enemies and these feelings that come and go. But that isn’t the case. I am still fighting them even now.
It isn’t always clear where these feelings come from. At times they come from immediate situations that develop around me, only to find out that they are connected with other feelings and experiences from the past. At other moments I find myself falling apart because of moments long ago, only to see that the present is what is actually haunting me. The source is never quite clear, only that the struggle inside is certainly true and real.
At the end of each day though, before I head to bed to hopefully rest and recharge for tomorrow, I always know that God is sovereign. It may be ironic that a believer in the sovereignty of God struggles with so many feelings and emotions attached to uncertainty of tomorrow. That is understandable. However, I would be lying if I said that I don’t struggle with such feelings. Nevertheless, I know God is sovereign. I know God is in control. I know, without a doubt, that my life rests in the hands of my Lord and my Savior King.
So what in the world do the quotes above have to do with this? As a Christian, I don’t believe in luck or fortune. I don’t believe in “the will of the universe” or the galaxy. I don’t believe in randomness or that some force outside of God controls the events of daily life.
However, in the quote above Yoda appeals to a higher power. Feeling doubt about whether he should enter the cave at Dagobah, Starkiller asks Yoda whether he will stop him. To this Yoda states “brought you here, the galaxy has. Your path clearly this is.” What this means is that whether you meant to be here or not, you are here now, therefore, there must be a purpose to you being here–pursue it!
God is a person. He isn’t a universal or galactic force without a face or personal will. Regardless of the events of daily life, God is sovereign and He has brought me to this place that I find myself in; therefore, my path clearly this is. There have been many moments in my life when I have been completely lacking of any understanding to what God is doing with me: why am I here? What does He want from me? Where am I to go now? What I am supposed to be doing with the now? I am certain there will be more times in the future when that will also be the case.
The victory lies in what you do with where you are. You are here. I am here. What will you do in the place that God has placed you? Will you stand still? Or will you pursue the will of God for you in this place? That is the daily challenge of the believer. That is the dilemma of every living saint.
It doesn’t matter what may be bringing despair, anxiety, or depression to me at any given moment. What matters is that I live in the hands of a loving God that has a purpose for my life and a purpose to where I am right now and the struggles I am fighting. Therefore, I will accept the place God has brought me to, and embrace the path He has placed me on. And if I am ever unaware of what path I am to follow, I will stop pretending He isn’t there, and simply go talk to my Heavenly Father.