At times the expression that you carry the world on your shoulders seems more of a reality than simply an exaggeration of how we feel at the moment. Recently that has been the case for me. As I write, I recover, hopefully in success, from a couple weeks of chronic depression and just really dark feelings. It is my hope that the Lord continues to guide me through the valley of death, which is not just an expression, and leads to pastures of His peace.
Each human lives their own human experience, with our own goals and obstacles along the way. Some, it seems at times, to have easier and some have it harder than others along the journey. Even though I don’t desire to take away from the hardships of others, I feel like my walk towards destiny has been packed with stumbling blocks and beat down along the road. I came across another pot hole along the road recently, and getting back up this time around was very difficult and painful. It almost pushed to the edge of my emotional stability and it cause others around me, my loved ones, plenty of pain.
I haven’t had a “tough” life in the sense having the bare necessities. I have never been hungry or homeless. I have always had family and friends right next to me along the way, to support me physically and spiritually through the harder instances in life. But, ever since the summer of 2010, life has taken a new direction that I did not expect, and the last two and half years have been a crazy and often painful odyssey trying to figure out what on earth God wants me to walk towards in this life.
When I experience failure and what I call “beat downs,” I used to get back up and keep pushing forward. My faith used lift in my moment of need and give me wings to fly above the storm, so that even though the hardships were there, my eyes were focused on the face of the Lord. But the thing getting beat down too often, is that you get sore and it gets harder and harder to get back up and just trust on along the way, especially were carrying on involves having to find a new direction to go on.
Lately, as always, the LORD God has used family to lift me up from my late state. I am very blessed. I know that the hardships, physical and emotional, will continue on throughout my life. I am a person who carries a lot of emotional baggage, baggage which God hasn’t taken away yet. Obstacles and troubles along the way, seem to remind me of past failures and past pain–that doesn’t help. And yet, I know God is Lord, and I am His favorite Son (as are you if you are a confessing saint). I live certain that even though painful, victory is certain. Victory is already mine. On this morning, that thought, is all the comfort I need.
”For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”